What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize