how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
