My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
