The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
