handjob tips. give me some.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
