And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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