every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please don't give away my fajitas
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