her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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