Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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