Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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