I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
