I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
