just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
