Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
