What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
its liver damage thursday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
