had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
