After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize