Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
