I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
