The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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