FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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