i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
