went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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