I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
