Will you blow on my dice?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize