Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
