My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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