I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
