she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
