im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
