Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
