You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
