Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He shit in the fireplace
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
