She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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