I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
