I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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