Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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