u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
