Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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