It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
