Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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