Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
