Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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