Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
