Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
