Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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