It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
