Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
