she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
