are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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