toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize