Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
