Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
