In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
