i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
porn star boner night. come get it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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