I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
