she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
