it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
