I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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