just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
