is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
