We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
