i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
