i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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