Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
