Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
