hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
